Body Over Mind

And mind over matter. Retreating to my pain(less) cave to do hard stuff.

I don’t know exactly when it started happening, and I don’t know how long it will last. I know that I started meditating again back in August and this thing started to kick in around February. But I can only really put it down to meditating, because it feels the same.

What happens is this: when I’m running and things are starting to feel difficult, mentally or physically, I retreat to a soft space in the middle of my head. I imagine it’s somewhere close to the amygdala. It’s somewhere just behind my nose. I go there, I feel the soft feeling, I pull a blanket over myself and let my body take over. The thoughts stop raging, the doubts disappear and the pain becomes external. I can simply continue to run.

There’s a lot of chat in ultra running about it mainly being a mental game. The physical body will only get you so far through a 100 mile race, the rest has to be run with the strength of your mind. I tried to apply this mentality for years, coming up short when I dug in my mind and found only further doubts, laughing louder the more I scrabbled for positivity. I screamed affirmations at myself and couldn’t believe them.

This new technique of mine is more resigned. I listened to an interview with Mel Robbins on the Feel Better, Live More podcast and her new book, The Let Them Theory, is all about using those two words - Let Them - to stop the people and circumstances that are out of your control from affecting you negatively. I liked the sound of it, as a technique. Maybe my soft place started soon after I listened to that. I learned to just let go. Thoughts and sensations flare up, I notice them, I let them pass. I stay cosy in the middle of my head while my legs stride onwards.

My body knows how to keep moving. I would argue that my mind does not. The pain is processed in the mind, after all. I’d rather put my limbs in control of forward motion while my brain insists that it’s a terrible idea. Maybe I’ve found a long way round to the same philosophy - I am essentially using mental strength to power through. But I’ve changed the dialogue to a language that suits me better: it is a softer approach, and I am trusting in myself rather than any external force.

We’ll see how it progresses but for now it feels like a superpower. And of course, all of this is much easier while spring is taking hold more and more each week, and my long runs are a mess of wild garlic leaves, white blossom and valleys of ripe, green fields. The nettles are almost at tickling height and the cows are gradually entering back into the fields, which always throws a bit of a curveball. You can’t mindfulness your way out of an inquisitive herd of cows. But I hope that each time I practice the technique, it gets stronger, and in tandem, so do I.